Turning to face the Shepard.

So the Shepard yanked me back to Nashville. Read the post before if you're just stopping in, because this is part 2.

Here I rode home, obeying, turning, and facing the Shepard. I was spooked the whole ride back home. Questioning and going over the episode at the Love's truck stop over and over again until literally, my head hurt...throbbed. I don't get headaches often, very rare, and I felt like I could hardly hold my head up. My Patrick was surprised that I turned around because ever the road gypsy, he just thought I'd keep right on going wide open throttle singing at the top of my lungs like I do when I ride. A funny sight to passers-by.

When I got home I laid down after taking care of the poodles and kitties. The little animals were leaping at me as if I were absent two years. What, I was gone, 18 hours maybe? Their unconditional love was really brimming. My cup runneth over with puppy and kitty love.

Yeah after stripping off the layers of riding leathers and my mexican blanket turned poncho that I wear when it's damp cold, I fell asleep for a few solid hours with my throbbing headache. Maybe I didn't have enough water, I don't know. I drank some and the headache didn't go away. I also had a dull pinch in the stomach like I could barf if not careful what I ate. Weird. I felt fine, awesome, in fact up until the turn around.

Patrick left for rehearsal, he had some ICMA television show to play that evening. I had told him to invite a friend. I wasn't going to go no matter what and I had planned to be in Daytona anyway, plus...you see, I'm totally bashful at these celebrity things because I just don't feel comfortable at them. Even when all the other wives and girlfriends go arm and arm with their performer spouses, I opt to do my own thing. That's kinda selfish. Because I didn't realize that Patrick really wants me to go to these things. It's his job to perform...so why would I want to go to his job? You know? ICMA stands for Inspirational Country Music Awards. Gospel Country, in other words. He wanted me to go, since I was home. I didn't want to go because my head was throbbing and I was feeling weird. But it meant alot to him that I go...so I frowned at the selection of outfits I had...mostly yard sale pickins that I worked over into pieces of odd art...and so I chose a pair of way baggie pants and a long sleeve glitter shirt with cowgirl boots. Sort of like dressy pajamas...and off I went with Pat.

Little did I know, the Lord had some plans that evening. He had me captive in the audience to watch the players and listen to the music that was inspired because God is good. While some acts were not well rehearsed obviously, there were acts there that were stunning. Angelic. Pure. And chilling to hear...especially the Word swirling with the music notes. My favorite act was The Issacs. They sang Mama's in Heaven Teaching Angels to Sing. Chillingly beautiful. My breath truly was taken away. Another song that I loved was simply called Daddy's Girl, which of course made me sob dollar size tears. Now that I think about it, the two titles that I liked best had to do with Mother and Father. Ah, Christ.

My Patrick's boss won Best Inspirational Music Video of the Year for his song 'Til I was a Daddy, too. That evening they performed The Book You Never Read, of course referring to the Bible. His boss is coming out with his very first country rock gospel album, alternate to his usual country genre -- 18 number one hits, not bad. And this new album is quite beautiful and rockin' at that.

Yes, the messages that came from that concert had to do with opening heart and allowing the divine to move through using the gifts of song and words. I must admit, time and again over this past year I would receive the small still nudge of the Lord saying, focus on your music. And sometimes just the words, write it down, would press upon my intuition.

While Patrick and I were in the audience he kept studying me with this adoring look and then he said, "I'm so glad you're here with me. I like when you come to support what I do." He glowed and I learned something. Yeah, I'm a freewheelin, freespirit -- but I have someone who really adores me. I felt stunning sitting there in my fancy baggie wear.

Early the next morning, Friday, way early, like around 3ish am -- I awoke startled and in tears. A heavy heart plagued me. Reality set in that I've been running and that I've been so very heavy hearted feeling like I just can't quite deal with things like I used to. Too much loss in my life this year and my spiritual foundation was totally rocked and fragmented at that. The earthquaked and I faltered, or faultered. Was this some kind of reckoning?

Once again, my motorcycle, Miss Tigerlily, rode me into the wind to have a visit with the divine. That's where the big spiritual epiphanies seem to occur -- when it's just me out there on my motorcycle and I'm totally focused on the road, and God is totally in control because it is life or death to ride and it's live or death to live, too. The wind whispers. The calling, the turning around, why this is just the beginning of the restoration on my soul. I need to let Will happen according to my divine purpose. It's time to let The Plan according to My Gifts in alignment with God's Will be revealed.

I curled up with a morning coffee and Emmet Fox's The Sermon on the Mount...the Key to Success in Life, based upon the Beatitudes. "Behold I make all things new." This statement suddenly was huge when I read it. It made me want to go on a juice fast and cleanse my stinkin' thinkin' any toxins in the bod, and restore the living waters of my soul to be crystal clean and pure again.

Then I went for a walk with my neighbor, Deb, who is a spiritual counselor. She has been a terrific resource of soulful nourishment the last few months. Even in my tangled web of where do I belong, and what am I here for, she comforts me and gently loosens the tangle, as if working a knot out of my hair, carefully and lovingly. And then things are soft and smooth again. During the walk I told her how utterly insane the whole turn around seemed, and that there was big part of me that was aching for Daytona and my buddies. We spoke about how I was so spooked by it and how I knew I couldn't prove it wrong. It was time. Time to take my life purpose to the next level. Time to trust and heed the call. Goin On Up To The Spirit In The Sky!

On Saturday evening my other neighbor, George, who is just as factual a person that you'd want to know, an engineer by education and skill, and who is the senior something or other at the church came by just to hang out with Patrick. Pat invited him over for dinner while his wife was tending to family matters. George gave me terrific scientific insight from a spiritual perspective about what happened that night. Seeds were being planted. And further, I thought that those seeds that were dormant were now being encouraged to re-bloom. Wow... shed a little light on me. Go 'head and SHINE!

It wasn't time for me to go to Daytona this October. This was evident. While I'd like to know the full answer to the turn around at THAT particular time, I can only guess that it was a true test if I would LISTEN, especially because the alternative to go to sunny skies to be with my friends was so wonderfully alluring and important. And God knows that it is, which is why He asked me to travel "my way" as explained in my previous post. I obeyed, the sacrifice being my good friends and a good time in Daytona...a sacrifice that He knows was a tough one for me to make because my motorcycle, my art, and my lifestyle are very deep seeded passions in my heart. Here I was perhaps being asked to make the DIVINE and even deeper seed and furthermore to be the fertile soil, because I have not been nurturing that blossom as I should have.

And then today, Sunday, I sat by the river early this morning. The river pulsing and streaming along --like the way I imagine the divine would pulse and stream if I were not to damn it.

Dig this extraordinary reading that came to me exactly after coming back from the river this morning. This was totally a sign. I just randomly pulled a book off my shelf that I hadn't finished reading in ages: "There is a river of creativity running through all things, all relationships, all beings, all corners and centers of this universe. We are here to join it, to get wet, to jump in, to ride these rapids, wild and sacred as they be." -- from the book Creativity by Matthew Fox. And this too from his book as he also quotes Meister Eckart: "'The Spirit flows just as completely into the soul as the soul empties itself in humility and expands itself to receive him.' The Spirit flows and flows, fills and fills, and 'cannot keep from flowing into every space where it finds space and flows just as extensively as the space if finds there.' What is required to respond to this flowing river of the Spirit of Creativity in addition to emptying ourselves to be ready? A focusing is required---and a uniting of all our powers."

Now, folks, after being stunned by such a sign...I decided, you know what? I am going to take George up on his offer and go to church this morning. I'm just way too curious now. So I got all dressed up and decided to leave Tigerlily home so I wouldn't draw attention to myself roarring up the driveway rattling the church windows because surely I was going to be late getting there. I was indeed tardy by twenty minutes, quite alot in the world of sermon, but just in time for the bishop to speak. You see, it was his annual visit to St. Marks. He wore the big tall gold hat, too. I thought how cool it would be to wear one of those down Main Street, Daytona on the bike.

Anyway, as God would have it for me, it was also the day of Baptismal for new church members so the whole church recites the Baptismal Covenant. And here, another sign, was I reciting and reconfirming my commitment to the Saviour, to the Father/Mother, to all things divine and awesome. All things that are powerful and true about myself as I am connected to the ONE SOURCE...to the LAW OF ATTRACTION. I want to be completely honest with myself you know what I mean? I want to attract exactly what I need to attract in order to be the highest form of my earth/spirit form and do the greatest works according to my gifts. I want to return to truth so that I can serve well, mankind and the environment. I want to expand upon the gifts and be blessed with ultimate wisdom and discernment so that I have clarity to fulfill my dreams and goals to serve my purpose... with that I delightfully walked to the alter and took the body, the bread of life, and the wine the fruit of the vine, blood of the new covenant, and bounced back to my seat. Okay, Lord, work me, restore me, shake me up, and build me up, then let's hit the road.

And then as I turned to leave the church after the sermon and after the gathering with the other parishioners having snacks in the recreation room, I saw this sign that read:

Are you ready to hear the truth about yourself, no matter how beautiful it is?