About Me

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N Y C and Nashville, United States
Hippie, Gypzy, Biker Chixie. Yep, that's me. www.bikerlady.com and www.chromecowgirl.com - my websites and I welcome your comments in this blog called Down the Road a Peace. Because, after all "do you wanna a peace of me?" : ) I'd love to hear your thoughts, so share them here. Personalize the topic and make it your own by sharing your own experience relative to the topic at hand, or let's create a new topic. U R Loved by Me.

2008/10/18

How the Shepard yanked me back.

As you know I was on my WAY to Daytona, but 50 miles south of Atlanta I turned around and came back to Nashville.

Amazing how the inner guide will surely guide you if you let it. I angst about my decision to go. Wanting to leave Monday, then Tuesday, but having so much to do and lots of things that needed my attention, finally, I departed at 3:15pm on Wednesday wanting to ride all night in the moonlight...I just love to do that. It's magical and sweet to roll through the evening.

Well, my bike shut down south of Atlanta around 9:30pm. After quickly glancing over the bike with the sheriffs, we just couldn't figure out why she lost power because it was quite dark to see. The sheriff felt it best to get a wrecker to pull me to the next truck stop to diagnose the ailment especially since I was on the left side of the three lane highway having just passed someone only to lose power and have to guide my bike to the shoulder. Otherwise I would have paddle-walked her to the next exit which wasn't too far away.

When the shut down occurred, my thought was, here we go! Road adventure...it's part of the journey. A new chapter opens during the journey southbound. I love an adventure and will always thank GOD that safely my bike experienced a mechanical problem and that I was not hurt.

During the years of riding I have had my share of mechanical challenges with Tigerlily ranging from a fuel line disconnecting, to a battery going bad in the middle of the night and I pop started her for as long as I could and then that was it, to coil(s) going bad, to broken ring in the primary causing lots of oil to dump out of the bike (note I'm not exactly sure how to explain that one, but you've got the picture). I always managed to limp along my journey or get it fixed somehow and continue on.

There was a generous amount of oil on the under carriage, so I thought it must have been an oil loss related problem, (which Tigerlily is always peeing oil!) but it wasn't. Believe it or not, it turned out to be simply a wire to the coil fell off, that Mike, the wrecker owner, discovered as together we went over the bike under a street lamp at the Love's Truck Stop. Great. I was back on the road and we laughed about it all. It was a pleasure to meet a new highway hero, Mike from Mike's Tires, who also was a die-hard rider. The adventure was on...and the bike was FINE. Praise God!

I called my friends, laughed about the silliness of the wire, and told them I'm on my way and that I was going to have a coffee and continue south. IT would be awesome, too. We had a great campsite at a friend's home all set up and my beloved friends would all be there. I was so excited. Also, the beach, how I missed it since moving to Nashville. I used to be such a beach girl.

Anyway, I sat in the truck stop phone lounge charging my phone. I gulped down the coffee and was ready to go. But then something wouldn't let me continue. My gut. WHAT! ? I'm nearly half way there...of course I'm going to continue, plus I TOLD my darling peeps I'd be there. No question. . .

And then again,

"NO. Do not go. Wait."

So, I thought, okay. Maybe I'm supposed to just wait a while so I did. Wait a while. Contemplating why the feeling of YAHOO! for Daytona was fading.

"Pray." Came the words from my heart.

Eerrie but okay, I thought. About what? So, I went about asking the Holy Spirit, the Universe, the sweet Divine, am I supposed to go on this trip?

Nothing. I waited. Nothing. And it seemed like the joy for the sunny destination bubbled up again, and so, THERE was my answer. Go.....

I got up to leave, my attention was diverted. Then this really spooky feeling came over me again. "Stop." And I felt almost frozen. Folks, this back and forth crap is now taking up alot of good riding time, you know what I mean? Now, I'm super frustrated. My word, I've got to honor! I told my friends I was going to be there. So I'm going. That's it. I had to challenge this spookiness.

And then plain as day, referring to an article that caught my eye as I rose to leave and get on the bike, that if I continued down the highway this will happen to you: death.

WHAT? Now, I'm weirding out big time, -- my mind is thinking this this strangeness or is it really the small still voice of the burning bush! ??? My bike is FINE. So, what does this all mean? I don't get spooked out here on the wide open. It's where I learn trust and where I meet the divine, as I always testify. But now this new "sign" has made me stop in my track. Then the sweet divine kept on at my gut instinct...to turn around. Go back home.

Folks, this is really getting frustrating now. I'm having an inner spar with my intuition. Nearly half way to my destination and I'm supposed to turn around and go home? Let's weight this out, I'm thinking:

1. My amazing "family" is awaiting me, I need them, I long for them, I adore them all and I want to have fun and see everyone.

2. Daytona is warm and sunny and I want to run around in the ocean.

3. I want to take care of my friend Jasmine because I promised her I'd do some work for her.

4. I got another amazing opportunity to help out Cyril. Which was a big bonus for me because I totally admire his work.

and I could go on and on. I even brought my tiara and I would put my plastic glitterati on my head upon arrival all road dirty and run to my friends and jump in their arms, as a celebration the queen of the highway has arrived safely.

okay, so if I go back to Nashville:

1. It's crappy weather

2. I'm alone there without my friends and "family" because they are all in Daytona

3. I want to take a break from Nashville because I'm really not liking it these days.

4. I miss New York City so desperately and dearly, that I need a break from feeling THAT home sickness.

5. I've been in a funk because the holidays are fast approaching and there will be no physical presence of Daddy Poppi at the festivities. And last year, we spent all of December in the Oncology unit with our beloved Poppi. So, this feeling was kicking my A**.

and I could go on.

But then a series of divine movement happened that night at the Love's Truck Stop while I was so terribly torn. The LORD began a dialogue with me while I sat on my bike and collected dew from the evening now sliding into the next day, Thursday. The "voice" if you will, was gentle, kind loving. It was the small stillness. Suddenly, referring to the sticker on my bike that is right on the tank, friends, "I live life my way" - I was asked:

"What is MY WAY?" Now, talk about getting the chills, the spooks. There were many details to this, and to spare you all the little details, that, should you not be much of a spiritual person, would make you think I may be a little crazy, I will tell you this:

I had to face some things. Deep things. This was no joke. I had to trust my intuition, my gut. And I'll tell you, I was also offered this opportunity from the divine:

"If you'd like to prove your gut wrong, go ahead." Because I have free will. We all do. What highway and MY WAY do we travel? Holy cow this was getting intense, and like a child fighting to continue playing on the playground, I was beginning to feel a confirmation. "It's not time. Head North."

With that, folks, I turned around from my bike to go back into the truck stop and stopped as I gazed at the dozen or some illuminated words that said: "LOVE'S" Suddenly, the word was no longer referring to the truck stop. Here I was perfectly parked so that these words would be from left to right blazing at me. No, I wasn't parked in front of the doors to the store, I was parked away from the main area, in a spot that was for one hour only and now I had been there THREE HOURS dealing with this spooky stuff, and parked in a position that perfectly lit up the "sky" with the word "LOVE's".

Right then I just had to speak with Betsy, my dear road sister, and explain all this to her. She, also very much in touch with the road angels and divine, thought that indeed, Jesus was speaking to me.

I need to tell you all, too, that I've had my spiritual challenges since moving to Nashville. There's been a great need to work on my soul which being so heavy hearted this year, was difficult for me.

You see, my entire spiritual community that I so adored, the folks at Central Baptist on the Upper West Side, a very modest church, that was much more a spiritual warrior gathering of artists and folk, than anything else, was no longer in my life having moved to Nashville. And having dealt with two enormous tragedies this year that has rocked my foundation, I have to confess that I hadn't tended to my daily spirit journals or readings like I used to, because I know there is so much work I must do, to align myself again with that tremendous spiritual place I had been in for so long.

In fact, I felt I was hiding from HIM/HER, the Father, the Mother, the Son, the Daughter (me).

This was a serious calling at the truck stop. A test. A trust that I needed to allow my intuition (the divine guidance) to call the shots here and now. Let me say that it was a really tough decision. But, I wasn't going to prove it wrong.

Yes, for several days leading up to my departure I felt that something wasn't right. But as my Jasmine girl will tell you, I had been shying away from things when I ought to be there. She will attest to the fact that I have been struggling pretty hard this year on many levels and had been wanting to hide from the world. In fact, this is one of the hardest years that I've had to face. Promising that I'd be there with the "family" was a good strong way for me to be there because it would just kill me to not honor my word. And I hemmed and hawed about it, believe me, but I knew in my heart that I was not going to disappoint my precious Jasmine sister.

But I couldn't discount what I was feeling that night. It was a really huge feeling. Overwhelming. And indeed, I tried to discount it as all in my mind weird but there were so many signs already. To my ego, too, the ever giant ego we all have that Eckart Tolle is so lovingly trying to quiet through his teachings: to not continue south would be defeat and not cool. And I would not get to wear my tiara and I would not get to boast of riding to Daytona as a die-hard biker chick. I would not get to dress up in a gown and attend a party. I would not get to show my work ethic to Cyril.

I felt I had an obligation to my word because I told my friend's I would be there and was bound and determined to go! However, the WORD I had an obligation to was more than just my own. There was alot more going on and spirit was challenging me. Challenging me in a way that was highly annoying.

Yes, the incredibly spooky feelings I was having as I attempted to travel south had nothing to do with my bike's performance, so I couldn't blame it on that. Instead of proving my intuition/gut wrong -- finally after sitting at the truck stop contemplating this foreboding feeling for nearly 3 hours around 3:30am I decided to turn my packed up bike around and go back to Nashville even though it was cold and raining up ahead and southbound were sunny skies. I teared up as I saw the signs directing south and north. Tigerlily and I headed north.

Maybe my daddy Poppi, God rest his soul, popped that wire so that I would have to stop and contemplate. I don't know. What I do know is that it's important to heed the signs of the road angels. So here I am back home in Nashville. My beautiful friends in Daytona, I'm sorry that I could not be there with you. I treasure you all with every bit of my soul.

Since coming home there has been a giant spiritual movement happening within and without. There are people of spirit coming into my life to guide me. I mean, folks like my neighbors, one who is a spiritual counselor, and the other is a senior exec at this awesome church. The conversations have been intense. Yesterday I just wrapped my being inside the Beatitudes... Emmet Fox's Sermon on the Mount...it felt good and warm. Like a spa bath. I felt like a child in my father's arms...safe as I read the words.

My mission is to blend the beautiful world of riding motorcycles, with the divine spirit. I had been drifting from my path...yes I had. So herein I take a chance and share with you this very personal experience of being yanked back by the Shepard.

. . .I had to honor another Word and heed the Call.

-S

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

My dear Sasha, I had trouble reading about your ride, because the tears where blurring my monitor screen. I truly understand the struggle that you were facing. It is easy for one to find themselves drifting away from their Savior and their own spirituality. I don"t know if you made the correct decision, only you and the Lord can decide that. Daytona will always be there. Your spiritual soul is the most important thing that you have. It is though Gods' love and guidance that will lead us in our journey though life. You are a brave and courageous gal and God and your "family" will always be their in your time of need. Your very precious to me. Ride and live with God and your Poppi.

Jasmine Cain said...

You were there with us in spirit.
We missed you dearly and we spoke of you daily. Brother Speed sends his regards and Jay Allen speaks highly of you always. Bean're and I along with the rest of the Jasmine Cain crew owned Daytona and we put your name on the purchase papers. We tried to give it back...but they don't even want it anymore!! I love you sweet sister and I'm so glad you are safe.