Running Up That Hill 10-18-04

I've been writing my fiction book. It's been a priority for me including my music. I've been out there performing my tunes. It's been fun. Most of my art revolves around the freespirited boundless joy of riding my motorcycle wild and free... Other art focuses on all this spiritual. I have a passion for spirtuality...all of it...all the religions and philosophies intrique me.

It's all been quite the challenge. Being an artist. An entreprenuer, too. Besides my art, I've been building another company. That will be announced soon. . .

In the meantime, the meantime, I've been praying very much. Relying only on God because I have no control. None. My life is very unpredicatable at the moment because it's not structured as a 9-5 life. With kids. With a honey. With routine. It's completely outta routine...though very busy...my life is a very busy life. I'm on 24/7 mode of working.

My life is not in control because it's beyond my control. I can be responsible for the immediate things, but the overall big mission belongs to a higher power. I can only do what is inspired in my heart. It takes enormous faith. Enormous trust. Enormous love. It is not easy to be steadfast and not be tossed about like a buoy in the seas, all anxious and worrisome.

But, as I continue to share with you my daily striving mountain climbs for my career and life, I hope that you, too, can find some inspiration. Today I'm really nervous about paying my bills. I'm awaiting a check from a freelance gig and I don't know if I'll ever see it. The bills are mounting like crazy. Living in NYC has gotten way outta hand financially; it's so expensive now. When I first moved here there were lots of artists in my neighborhood. Now I feel like I'm the only one left!! The only bohemian on the block without a Ralph Lauren outfit.

What has been the worst about the intense striving, has been that my motorcycle broke down and I can't afford to repair her right now. The dealership sternly advised me not to ride my bike because it's totally unsafe. Well, I did ride her a little bit afterwards because I was jonesin' so bad for a ride, but then I decided I didn't want to end up in traction somewhere because the bike went down from faulty mechanics. I'd work on her myself if I had the place to do so, to at least make an attempt to repair her anyway.

So, I'm awaiting word with my new company, from the new investors and partners. When will we be fully operational so that I receive a regular paycheck and benefits? It's surmised to be end of this month...please dear Lord, if it is your will, let the ingredients come together like the baking of a fine cake. I'd like my cake to eat, too, so that I can pay my bills with peace of mind.

I live modestly. I am the definition of a minimalist. I really don't have much but what I need and then a little bit more. I haven't had a car in 13 years. Only a motorcycle. I live in a tiny NYC studio which is packed with all kinds of life items. Though I'd love to have a real house of my own one day, a real nest with a garden and all kinds of nice comforts, for now, the comfort I have is God and striving to realize my dreams. It's total faith at this point. It's not like having a job with generous pay that I can count on right now. I've been to hell and back on this path of realizing my dreams...the only credit I can give for my survival and hanging in their is GOD and a little book called The Dream Giver, and the love and support of friends and fans. Gosh I'm so in love with ya'll.

I went to apply for a waitress job and then my beautiful kitty, Annie, of twenty years, mind you, got extremely sick. I had to nurse her back to health, so I could not start my waitress gig until maybe this week. I don't believe in euthenasia so I will not go that route. This is our journey, me and Annie. After twenty years of companionship, she's more like my fuzzy daughter than anything else. She is doing much better and is able to walk again and breathe better. It was a dire situation all last week. I had to nurse her carefully back to health. I hand fed her baby food and carried her to the litter box. I adore this sweet blessing in my life....I thank God for providing her with the healing strength called love. I love this kitty so much. There are photos of her on my website http://www.bikerlady.com/portfolio/annie.htm She's doing much better. She's able to get around and is back to her old self, tearing up my books and papers if I don't pay attention to her...she's like a little puppy sometimes. In fact, she chewed the paper cover off of my bible! Ripped it to shreds. My friend Steve said, "Oh she's just trying to get a little gospel in her is all."

So, on my agenda today among other things is to follow up with my book project, my music projects, a conference call with my partners. And, uh, to start my waitressing gig!? Gotta due what I gotta due... paying dues sucks because I've been doing it forever and look forward to being engaged in my heavenly talent bliss as my life resource entirely.

Well, off I go to start my day at 11:30am....Nah. Just kidding. I was up until 2:30am and then awoke at 8am.

God bless you day with miracles and treasures...

With love and smiles,
Sasha

Happy Happy Birthday Baby. Ex.

Well today is my former flame's birthday from yesteryear. I will not call him. No. I'll only pray for him that he seek truth in all things.

Amazing how lovers depart. Sometimes it can be really amicable....friendly. Cozy, even. Other times it can be turmoltuous, bitter, heartwrenching. I like to keep my former flames in great friendship because we had shared something sacred at one time or another.

Usually, however, new ladies in their lives refuse this friendship connection. And it happens with everyone of them. So, I don't hear or see the fellow unless he's in between girlfriends. But no matter.

What bugs me is the last flame that I was dearly in love with, well our bond extinquished for good. No sweet glow of friendship. Just a smoldering wick of what was.

We were lovers, he considered me the "one" though anyone who considers their lover the "one" surely doesn't let anything shake the foundation of their divine union. A series of tragic circumstances in his life whittled us down to close companions, at his choosing, not mine. I was right by his side to support him through the storms.

I pray about the episode that defined the end for us. It was really a difficult and heartbreaking journey for me to be with him. But I didn't want to abandon us, simply because of his life challenges. I believed in us and hung in there. A good lover and friend stands beside their dear heart person in life, right? Well, dear girl, I tell myself, wrong. You stand by a good friend and lover when they respectfully receive your presence. Not when they want to use and abuse you without regard...then you don't stand by them. You run and turn them over to the Lord in prayer. Then you work really hard to forgive.

Homewreckers are a drag. They turn everything upside down and put people on the defense. Dishonesty sucks. What is the remedy? Peace. Forgiveness. I forgive him very much and wish him well.

Does he forgive me? No. Because I defended myself with hard and fast boundaries called: no more. NO more sparkles getting stolen from my heart, my eyes, my soul. No more soul stompin. No more thanklessness. No more dependencies. No more distorted perspective on things. His lack of respect for me had come to an end.

I poured out the pain to him that he had caused me during our time together leading up to the debacle of our special relationship in an 18 page diatribe. I was so angry and hurt. Just devastated to be kicked aside like Tuesday's trash. Disregarded. It was terrible.

But I truly love instead of hate.

Love always prevails.

Baby, it was hard for both of us and I'm sorry what happened to us, that we can't even be friends; I'm sorry for my lack of whatever it was you thought I couldn't provide, couldn't measure up to in your perspective. I am especially sorry for what we suffered with the home wrecker and I love you as a friend forever no matter what. I'm sorry that our companionship was trashed. I will always love you inside out.

I love him, always, and see him as a precious soul...someone with whom I shared my life and to whom I gave quite a bit of the best of me. We're both imperfect little humans trying to get it right in life...

So, as if he were reading this which he is not, I say, Happy Birthday. Please celebrate life with love as if a new birth. Live and love well. Thank you for your love when you did love me. Thank you for standing by me during the brief time that you did, when you cared and it wasn't all about you.

God bless you dear one, with peace and vibrant opportunties. I will love you forever within the sacred bond of friendship.

Go in peace and ride free. Best wishes with your career and new home.

With love and respect, your "boop"

Talk. Talk. Talk.

Friends & Family:

Howdy. Hope your summer is harvesting lots of smiles for you.

A few nights ago I had a real fun music jam with a bunch of city boys here in the NYC area...Queens to be exact. Nice down to earth fellas who bill themselves as the Blue Collars because, why, they are just that. A sanitation worker, a fireman, a carpenter, and I forget what the other guy does. The first song we jammed to is this crazy thing I made up, while the guitar player was warming up.

It's called Talk Talk....a rockin blues tune. As an artist, sometimes exactly what you're going through or experiencing breathes unexpected life into a moment. I wasn't really thinking about the concept of Talk Talk. But it occured to me, today, that I know why I composed that tune on the fly.

The tongue is the sword of the body. It can lash and slash, or it can protect, encourage and so forth. But when someone is constantly talk talkin at you with nothing to say and that nothin begins to wear you out...it's a form of abuse.

So, I just began singing at the top of my lungs. It went something like this:

Talk Talk Talk
all ya do is
Talk Talk Talk
tongue is a waggin
You're Talk Talkin
but you've got nothin to say

Cut me down
with the slash of words
hey man
keep your mouth
keep your life
just like the bible serves

A good man thinks
before he speaks
ponders before he answers
but all your talk talkin, boy
is jest your angry
heart messy leakin

Talk Talk Talk
all ya do is
Talk Talk Talk
tongue a flappin in the wind
You're a Talk Talkin
but you're sayin absolutely nothin...

You know all your talkin
it really turns me off
yeah, all that nasty talk talkin
it really turns me off
so, think I'll see ya later man
or maybe never see you again,
because I'm walk walkin, walkin
far away from you, baby


So, that's the clumsy little tune.

But, think about how words can really CUT or CAPTIVATE. When you're talk talkin, monitor what you say and be sure you're not just lashin out ... ponder before you pucker up to form a word.

It's so important to be speak to one another with the utmost kindness and respect on our road journey as we travel down the road a peace.

L O V E
Sasha

copyrighted lyrics Road Diva 2004 ASCAP

Down The Road a Peace . . .THE ROAD.

The road is about peace...finding peace. Peace of mind. Peace of my heart. Hey gimme a peace of ass.

I love being on the road. The road is about that unidentifiable nomadic spirit. It's a spirit of wanderlust that dominates the road lover.

Beef Jerky is an adventure. How many different kinds of beef jerky? Let me tell you that those slim jim's are nothing but sad compared to REAL beef jerky found, in say, Laramie, Wyoming. That's road food.

Dieting on the road is a silly notion. Oh please. You ask the lady with the boof of hair that almost looks transparent for the last five inches of teased bits...almost like a cotton candy swirl on top of her head, go on and ask her for egg whites with no grease, cottage cheese and lettuce and tomato and see what ya git.

First, she'll ask you what you expect the kitchen to do with the yolks and that's a reasonable question considering they use alllotta egg whites already to make the boufiant lemon meriange.

Second, it'll take you a long time to get your breakfast, mean while every one else at your table is wiping the egg yolk crust off their mouth sides. Then you'll get your dish, ha ha, yes you will. Them egg whites will be a yellow tinge from the bacon grease and oh indeed your toast WILL be buttered. And the lettuce and tomato will be the shreaded kind like for hamburger topping. Go ahead. I dare you to get snippy with the cotton candy headed lady because she will see to it that you're breakfast won't come 'til after lunch.

See, what's funny about road food is the fact, now, that if you're heading for a home cookin' style mom & pop or diner, roadside stand, trucker joint, it's about eating what they're serving to you. STraying from the menu is kinda rude. The kitchen runs like clock work and it ain't the clock of your preferred pace, like say, NYC pace, nope, it's the pace that time was originally made for...tickin and tockin, clear and steady...no rush...just is kinda time.

So, how the heck did I get off on a tangent about road food? Because I had some deeeelicious french fries this evening at McHale's at 46th and 8th...a place that's been there since the '30s or so in Broadway star area. It reminded me of being on the road. I miss the road. Sure do...

Say, let's hear about your heart ache and pinin' for the road, folks...share with me now.

Down the Road a Peace... 5.16.04

Here I was in this mindset all the while that I'm okay without a fellow in my life. I'm just going to focus on my career, my spiritual evolution and healing from a terrible business relationship. Okay.

I've decided that it's really funny how we humans decide things all of the sudden. Like we're in charge of a situation. Well, we do have mind over matter, yes. But to just take a definitive position could mean losing out on a great situation because you closed yourself to it.

I don't want to close myself off to any great opportunity is my decision. I want to open my world to whatever I need to have happen to me to do God's will and let my talents be utlized beyond my own human bound measure.

Today was the street fair on Amsterdam Avenue. Oh it's near twenty blocks long. Vendors lining both sides of the street. I've always looked forward to walking hand in hand with my darling man while simply browsing and joining in the festivies. But what darling man? There hasn't been one in so long and the fellows that I had dated never felt like doing anything like wandering around an NYC street festival.

After mismatching myself with a string of Mr. Wrongs over the past several years. I just want a Mister Right. The right fellow who can dial into my soul. Adore the GOD in me. The truth of who I am. A man who delights in my personality, my spirituality, my whole being.

It seems that folks step into your life to change you. Set you in a tail spin, some crazy vortex of confusion because they try to alter your core in a way that you're not meant to bend. I'd enjoy finding a fellow who would simply adore me for ME and so that I could simply adore him. I live an unusual lifestyle on the road, as a multi-faceted artist with her finger in various pies at any one time. I enjoy living in different locations...not just one. All these things can seem wonderfully exciting to a new fellow at first, but then they want you to stop it all...and focus on what they want only. Oh boy! A few recent dates revealed this and I'm getting better at reading the flags early on.

At the moment, I'm racing the clock to get three major literary properties complete. Yeah I take on more than I can chew sometimes, but I was always the type of kid who would shove five sticks of gum in her mouth because it would create the biggest and best bubble.

So there.