Well today is my former flame's birthday from yesteryear. I will not call him. No. I'll only pray for him that he seek truth in all things.
Amazing how lovers depart. Sometimes it can be really amicable....friendly. Cozy, even. Other times it can be turmoltuous, bitter, heartwrenching. I like to keep my former flames in great friendship because we had shared something sacred at one time or another.
Usually, however, new ladies in their lives refuse this friendship connection. And it happens with everyone of them. So, I don't hear or see the fellow unless he's in between girlfriends. But no matter.
What bugs me is the last flame that I was dearly in love with, well our bond extinquished for good. No sweet glow of friendship. Just a smoldering wick of what was.
We were lovers, he considered me the "one" though anyone who considers their lover the "one" surely doesn't let anything shake the foundation of their divine union. A series of tragic circumstances in his life whittled us down to close companions, at his choosing, not mine. I was right by his side to support him through the storms.
I pray about the episode that defined the end for us. It was really a difficult and heartbreaking journey for me to be with him. But I didn't want to abandon us, simply because of his life challenges. I believed in us and hung in there. A good lover and friend stands beside their dear heart person in life, right? Well, dear girl, I tell myself, wrong. You stand by a good friend and lover when they respectfully receive your presence. Not when they want to use and abuse you without regard...then you don't stand by them. You run and turn them over to the Lord in prayer. Then you work really hard to forgive.
Homewreckers are a drag. They turn everything upside down and put people on the defense. Dishonesty sucks. What is the remedy? Peace. Forgiveness. I forgive him very much and wish him well.
Does he forgive me? No. Because I defended myself with hard and fast boundaries called: no more. NO more sparkles getting stolen from my heart, my eyes, my soul. No more soul stompin. No more thanklessness. No more dependencies. No more distorted perspective on things. His lack of respect for me had come to an end.
I poured out the pain to him that he had caused me during our time together leading up to the debacle of our special relationship in an 18 page diatribe. I was so angry and hurt. Just devastated to be kicked aside like Tuesday's trash. Disregarded. It was terrible.
But I truly love instead of hate.
Love always prevails.
Baby, it was hard for both of us and I'm sorry what happened to us, that we can't even be friends; I'm sorry for my lack of whatever it was you thought I couldn't provide, couldn't measure up to in your perspective. I am especially sorry for what we suffered with the home wrecker and I love you as a friend forever no matter what. I'm sorry that our companionship was trashed. I will always love you inside out.
I love him, always, and see him as a precious soul...someone with whom I shared my life and to whom I gave quite a bit of the best of me. We're both imperfect little humans trying to get it right in life...
So, as if he were reading this which he is not, I say, Happy Birthday. Please celebrate life with love as if a new birth. Live and love well. Thank you for your love when you did love me. Thank you for standing by me during the brief time that you did, when you cared and it wasn't all about you.
God bless you dear one, with peace and vibrant opportunties. I will love you forever within the sacred bond of friendship.
Go in peace and ride free. Best wishes with your career and new home.
With love and respect, your "boop"
- S a s h a
- N Y C and Nashville, United States
- Hippie, Gypzy, Biker Chixie. Yep, that's me. www.bikerlady.com and www.chromecowgirl.com - my websites and I welcome your comments in this blog called Down the Road a Peace. Because, after all "do you wanna a peace of me?" : ) I'd love to hear your thoughts, so share them here. Personalize the topic and make it your own by sharing your own experience relative to the topic at hand, or let's create a new topic. U R Loved by Me.