Running Up That Hill 10-18-04

I've been writing my fiction book. It's been a priority for me including my music. I've been out there performing my tunes. It's been fun. Most of my art revolves around the freespirited boundless joy of riding my motorcycle wild and free... Other art focuses on all this spiritual. I have a passion for spirtuality...all of it...all the religions and philosophies intrique me.

It's all been quite the challenge. Being an artist. An entreprenuer, too. Besides my art, I've been building another company. That will be announced soon. . .

In the meantime, the meantime, I've been praying very much. Relying only on God because I have no control. None. My life is very unpredicatable at the moment because it's not structured as a 9-5 life. With kids. With a honey. With routine. It's completely outta routine...though very busy...my life is a very busy life. I'm on 24/7 mode of working.

My life is not in control because it's beyond my control. I can be responsible for the immediate things, but the overall big mission belongs to a higher power. I can only do what is inspired in my heart. It takes enormous faith. Enormous trust. Enormous love. It is not easy to be steadfast and not be tossed about like a buoy in the seas, all anxious and worrisome.

But, as I continue to share with you my daily striving mountain climbs for my career and life, I hope that you, too, can find some inspiration. Today I'm really nervous about paying my bills. I'm awaiting a check from a freelance gig and I don't know if I'll ever see it. The bills are mounting like crazy. Living in NYC has gotten way outta hand financially; it's so expensive now. When I first moved here there were lots of artists in my neighborhood. Now I feel like I'm the only one left!! The only bohemian on the block without a Ralph Lauren outfit.

What has been the worst about the intense striving, has been that my motorcycle broke down and I can't afford to repair her right now. The dealership sternly advised me not to ride my bike because it's totally unsafe. Well, I did ride her a little bit afterwards because I was jonesin' so bad for a ride, but then I decided I didn't want to end up in traction somewhere because the bike went down from faulty mechanics. I'd work on her myself if I had the place to do so, to at least make an attempt to repair her anyway.

So, I'm awaiting word with my new company, from the new investors and partners. When will we be fully operational so that I receive a regular paycheck and benefits? It's surmised to be end of this month...please dear Lord, if it is your will, let the ingredients come together like the baking of a fine cake. I'd like my cake to eat, too, so that I can pay my bills with peace of mind.

I live modestly. I am the definition of a minimalist. I really don't have much but what I need and then a little bit more. I haven't had a car in 13 years. Only a motorcycle. I live in a tiny NYC studio which is packed with all kinds of life items. Though I'd love to have a real house of my own one day, a real nest with a garden and all kinds of nice comforts, for now, the comfort I have is God and striving to realize my dreams. It's total faith at this point. It's not like having a job with generous pay that I can count on right now. I've been to hell and back on this path of realizing my dreams...the only credit I can give for my survival and hanging in their is GOD and a little book called The Dream Giver, and the love and support of friends and fans. Gosh I'm so in love with ya'll.

I went to apply for a waitress job and then my beautiful kitty, Annie, of twenty years, mind you, got extremely sick. I had to nurse her back to health, so I could not start my waitress gig until maybe this week. I don't believe in euthenasia so I will not go that route. This is our journey, me and Annie. After twenty years of companionship, she's more like my fuzzy daughter than anything else. She is doing much better and is able to walk again and breathe better. It was a dire situation all last week. I had to nurse her carefully back to health. I hand fed her baby food and carried her to the litter box. I adore this sweet blessing in my life....I thank God for providing her with the healing strength called love. I love this kitty so much. There are photos of her on my website http://www.bikerlady.com/portfolio/annie.htm She's doing much better. She's able to get around and is back to her old self, tearing up my books and papers if I don't pay attention to her...she's like a little puppy sometimes. In fact, she chewed the paper cover off of my bible! Ripped it to shreds. My friend Steve said, "Oh she's just trying to get a little gospel in her is all."

So, on my agenda today among other things is to follow up with my book project, my music projects, a conference call with my partners. And, uh, to start my waitressing gig!? Gotta due what I gotta due... paying dues sucks because I've been doing it forever and look forward to being engaged in my heavenly talent bliss as my life resource entirely.

Well, off I go to start my day at 11:30am....Nah. Just kidding. I was up until 2:30am and then awoke at 8am.

God bless you day with miracles and treasures...

With love and smiles,
Sasha