My mother says that I shouldn't discuss ol' flames and disgruntled moments on my website. Only discuss happy stuff and fun stuff. Well, that'd be wonderful if life was truly like that happy and fun all the time.
We can make our life happy and fun, by choice. By decision. To decide from a specific point in time, like right now....make a declaration: okay, from now on my life is going to be happy and fun only and any time it approaches or suggests something otherwise I will refuse it.
Hmmm. Earth is a challenge. Life is a journey and everybody says that but do we know truly what it means, to journey? To take a slow and steady step forward and greet opportunity, travel on to different paths, cruise different highways. Maybe some we planned, maybe some we didn't.
Choosing to hang with a person in a romantic capacity is whatever it will be if we made the choice we hang with it and see what happens. Sometimes it's amazing, beautiful and delightful; sometimes it's not at all compatible. We get into trouble when we try to make it work. It's the same as going down the wrong road and trying to make that road lead to the destination that we desire, but it's heading an entirely different direction. You know what I'm talking about here!
There you are riding along on this road, trying to MAKE that road lead to your destination. It's like planning a trip to Connecticut, but you're on 70 heading west. But, you are determined to make highway 70 lead to Connecticut....though we both know, no matter what you do, highway 70 is heading west and you can't make that route go to Connecticut.
The solution is to about face and take another route. Venture away from route 70 that will not lead you to your destination. So, there I discuss in my blogs, for all to see, the sour routes that I may have taken in life that would lead me astray, off the path, away from my destination. Then, the arduous task of backtracking, re-routing begins and depending upon how far away you traveled, will depend upon how much time it's going to take you to return to the best path for you.
I like to humbly share the real journey of my life. Because it's the way we all unite and bond...to show our truths, our faults, our fears, and then how we overcome obstacles. I'm just a silly human who makes mistakes, though I try NOT to make too many mistakes. I do. I make wrong decisions. Don't we all? Especially in the department of choosing a mate, a career, a location to live, and on and on.
But we hopefully learn from our stray moments. Sometimes meandering and getting lost is awesome. Not having a planned destination and letting the wind carry you where you need is important. You rely on your hyper awareness and intuition...therefore, are you really ever lost, then?
Mom, I share these blogs with the many folks because we all need to get real. To bring hope, to share with folks, to inspire people.
Right now, the truth is that I've been hurt by an employer who has not paid me my paycheck at all for this month, January. I have lots of bills due. I committed heartily to the project for which I was hired and contributed plenty, and now, I'm stranded out here perhaps on the wrong road, too. I've got to check my map. Time to live off the quarters I saved up. That's okay. I'm a survivor. This is disappointing, yes. But the employment climate is not at all the same as long ago. You work, and maybe you'll get paid. It's a big coo if you get health insurance. It's been a long time since I could secure a job with health benefits. You just don't get health benefits when you work as a bartender, most times. Especially a honky tonk bartender which means I don't know how to mix all those fancy drinks with the umbrellas and funny colors. I just make a mean Jack & Coke, Crown & Water, Yagerbomb, you know what I'm talking about here.
My father and mother were once sticklers that I have a job with health benefits. And just so I wouldn't suffer their verbal wrath, hell yeah, I'd have my butt a job with benefits, even though I despised the job. I lived that way for along time, forgoing all my dreams, my truth of who I am, living a lie. Living in a way which to me was a big fat bummer. But then I realized, holy moly, I'm on the wrong freakin' road here? And then I had to consult my map....but I realized, crap I lost my map, too.
So, there it was time to just become aware...heightened awareness....really sink into my soul and ask for guidance. Damn I had NO map. So I had to rely on divine guidance.
Thus, here I am today, after many years of winding around the earthly possibilties, trying to be true to my parent's desires and may I add, protective desires, for me to be a regular kid and have a job with health benefits. I could no longer exist in the traditional work environment because it was killing me. I was dying. Because I was on the wrong path.
What mom says now? "I just want to see you happy!" Well, this makes me happy: inspiring folks. Lifting hearts, smiling souls, providing hope. Those, my friends, are the sign posts that you are on the right path.
Love,
Sasha
