Kidnapped to Sturgis by the Jasmine Cain BandAs you all know, I always ride my motorcycle, Tigerlily, a chopped out 1999 Harley-Davidson Sportster, to Sturgis, South Dakota for my annual wild west cruise.
This year, whilst preparing for the journey from Nashville, up drove rocker Jasmine Cain and her guitar player Jeffro who sequestered Tigerlily, threw her into their gear trailer and then hijacked my ass into the Ford Explorer, and west ward ho we were bound.
It was a straight drive-through, all of us pumped up no sleep with huge amounts of Pilot Travel Center's undeniably and steamy intense energy coffee. We were no doubt wired. My kidnappers wanted to see just how much coffee I could drink because they were placing bets about how fast each one could make my heart race!
Because they stole me so unexpectedly, you will see me in my hippy moo-moo dress, without makeup and with my eyeglasses on....unshowered. Yes, I was kidnapped right before I was to get all bada$$ primped and therefore ready to mount my chrome steed and gallop west.
(Besides being kidnapped by a rock n roll band and forced to sit in the passenger seat of an SUV enroute to the world's largest motorcycle rally with my motorcycle locked away in a trailer PURE TORTURE!!!! OMG, these videos are a rare glimpse into the unkept, schlep at home look -- however, I did wear fabulous shoes.)
THE FACTS: The captors
Jasmine Cain Beeeech. A notorious head-banging rocker chick and NO patience aka Pixie with an Axe
Jeffro Bo Dean a guitar slashin fool aka SLASHER
The captured Sasha aka Chrome Cowgirl.
Miss Tigerlily, Sasha's beloved Harley-Davidson hidden in the captor's gear trailer.
So without delay, let me share with you below some random video secretly captured about our journey to Sturgis.
VIDEO 1 - about the kidnappers. see me delirious from too much coffee. I'm forced to speak about the good time I'm having... what do they want from me? !!!
VIDEO 2 more about the kidnappers. . .she's the diva kidnapper. oh, and they made me wear 7" stilletto heels so that I couldn't run fast.
VIDEO 3 trying to catch some wind! i can't take it anymore as we speed down interstate 90, past the Badlands, without my trusty motorcycle roaring between my legs! I try to escape but they pumped me with so much caffine and Jeffro keeps threatening cruel tickle sessions; just the anticipation of another tickle attack makes me convulse in laughter! Those who are feverishly tickelish know what I'm talking about!
VIDEO 4 the kidnappers owning the road by scaring drive-by folks. An example of "owning the road," by Jasmine Cain - beeeeatch.
VIDEO 5 skillful kiddie carousel riders at Wall Drug. Or maybe not. I try to make light of an insane situation....this is just how bad I need to ride...you see how I'll ride anything at this point so I hop on a kiddy ride with the two kidnappers. Jeffro had to get off of it tho, 'cause the ride wouldn't move bein he's such a strappin' lad.
VIDEO 6 the kidnappers testing my skill at water spout trials. I know I won this...but I had to let the kidnapping diva Jasmine win or else who knows what she'd do with sweet Tigerlily!
VIDEO 7 the kidnappers try their hands at some games. they ain't so lucky as they think! I withheld my lucky charms. Then, a little babe barters and diva kidnapper girl gets what she wants in the end while Jeffro Bo Dean tries to prove his might.
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VIDEO 8 JC breaks a boy's charm just because she can, and then wraps him up in pink...hear the tale he has to tell to avoid being kidnapped and turned into a rock n roll stage slave.
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VIDEO 9 Victory as the rock star kidnappers are tortured with shockingly out of tune instruments and left utterly confused. I flee whilst their ears melt. And away I go!
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See below the ransom photo: FOLKS, I NEVER DID FIND OUT WHAT THE RANSOM WAS! Jeffro had a hard sharp object pointed in my lower back. I never did find out if that thang was loaded or not. He said to me while we took the photo, "Look happy, don't move, or else it'll be a double banger!"
Click the ransom photo to enlarge.
photo captions
1. the "look happy" photo by order of Jeffro . . .
2. i think about how to run, while the kidnappers decide what to do with me . . .
3. here I am making a MAD dash out the photo booth curtain . . .
4. then i'm yanked back and forced into a sing-along led by Jeffro Bo Dean crooning "I Am IRON MAN". . .
Kidnapped to Sturgis by the Jasmine Cain Band
2 comments:
Too Funny! Thanks for the great laughs!
This is what a good road trip is all about. Wonderful people, good laughs, your Tiger Lily with ya... and of course... clean underwear!
Had fun enjoying the trip with you. I am smiling still.
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