I found a helmet sticker that reads:
Wide Open 'Til You See God Then Break.
It applies to life in so many ways.
I like to live my life wide open which I do here on this blog. It's gotten me into trouble over the last few months. People don't like to hear the truth. They expect you to be quiet and say nothing. If you speak up, it's uncomfortable for others to take. So, they tune you out. They don't listen. And you feel unheard.
So you decide to contemplate aloud some things. Which is why writers are an unusual breed. We write what we feel, what we think. Some people love it; some do not like it at all.
Truth is knowing. That's all it is. Expressing oneself is about being bold. When you see something in writing it's vivid, alive, intense....undeniable. It can be read and re-read; it can be misinterpreted like anything can because we all live with colored filters over our eyes, our minds, our hearts. We live through the lense of judgement. We live through the lense of ego.
I do, so do you. I work to not live that way, to examine the way in which I live and breathe. But one thing for sure is. I like to speak up. If I hit a nerve, good or bad -- that's an opportunity for growth in you
and in me.
When will I break here on earth, while living wide open? I'll get my break when I die or when I need to take another direction in life.
Riding a motorcycle is about living wide open. I got nothing to hide. I wear my heart on my sleeve. And YOU?
Sure there are some things that are utterly personal, you don't share. They belong between YOU and GOD; and then there are things that belong outward....to be shared as lessons, longing, and contemplation.
Think about all those put to death for speaking, for thinking, for contemplating. Especially those that speak about injustices, or heartache, all those who communicate aloud for all the world to know....
Many have been silenced.
But the written word....is testimony. Oh you can burn the written word so it'll never exist again. But it did exist. Just like the words spoken.
We say things we didn't mean, or we say things in a manner which was communicated through a pain-body like the way Eckart Tolle will describes; we communicate things through a pivotal emotional point or while in a life transformation. We are a people. Human beings....being in life.
Compassion has gone out the window in many situations which leads to such disharmony. Compassion...to love, to be concerned, to understand, to take the time to go deeper. Are you too deep for shallow waters?
Shallow waters. This was a sermon I heard at Mt. Zion church in Nashville. My Poppi was way too deep for shallow waters. He was a man of little words. When he spoke, however, it was important and moving. Thought provoking. Oh we didn't see eye to eye on everything, no, of course not. But his words moved me. Poppi wasn't a bold speaker, he didn't have to be opinionated. He didn't much care what other people thought anyway, therefore, he didn't care to have the last word. To be right.
Deep waters is searching. Some of us, though, like to contemplate aloud. Like to share thoughts and be bold and vulnerable -- living wide open, 'till God says SHUT UP. Then you brake, and consider things.
But, maybe when it's time to BREAK...it means to take a break. Be quiet. Go into the shell of healing. Go into the shell of letting go. Go into the peace of mind zone. Go into the place where you abandon all you know and you say, go ahead God, do what you will with this wild child....this one who lives wide open, wondering and contemplating, and all for it gets into trouble for speaking aloud.
I enjoy sharing with you in my blog, but my friends, I've had some rough situations occur because of me being so forward herein. I want you to know. There are people that do not like when I speak aloud about things of injustice; about life experiences that are hurtful and thus I expose the healing journey of Sasha.
I can only say that, I'm living my life, and these are my experiences with my life. That's what Down the Road a Peace is about. Going down my road....albiet with PEACE in mind and heart; but things are not always PEACEFUL. Sometimes, it feels like PIECEFILLED. Or PIECEMEAL. And rather have it be PEACEMEAL.
I'm wondering aloud about my life and experiences here for all the world to read because I seek answers, I seek your stories and experiences to be shared with me.
Because I want to share with you. There's tremendous love out there. We're all connected. We're all one. I care about you so very much.
Sometimes, I've spoken up about things to particular people of subject, and have not been heard. So, I speak from the rooftop and then I'm heard.
Whispering does no good sometimes. There's no secrets, really. At the same time something is hidden it's revealed too. It exists because it happened.
I can't apologize for my blog. It is what it is. Just me speaking. Just my thoughts, and you don't have to care. If anything I've written offends you, or reveals something that you've been involved with that wasn't particularily agreeable with me, or you have an entirely different opinion of it, well, I can have my opinion of it, too. After all, it is my opinion and you can just tune me out.
So, why do I have to post certain things in my blog?
Because I want to. Sure there are issues that are confidential and I find it a wonderful beauty that folks have taken me into confidence to discuss their lives. It's an honor to keep those words and thoughts between you, me and GOD. Because that is where it belongs. It doesn't get posted here and never will. But there are some things that are my own personal experiences with living my life that I post here that directly affect my wellbeing. And I contemplate aloud about it...because I want to and maybe because I need to...
Yes, there are the things that I want to contemplate outloud. Wonder about. Those things I've touched upon here, well, right now many of those things have to do with losing my father to Leukemia. This tragedy has totally altered my life right now. It's only been four weeks. In those four weeks I can count on my one hand how many times I bawled about it. I should have used up all my fingers and toes about a dozen times over counting. I should have lost count by now. But, the enormity of this reality is so overwhelming, so frightening to me, that I cannot go there. I cannot think him too much. I can't look at his photos too much. I'll collapse in grief and be a total hermit for months. I know this about me. So, I am aggresively fighting the grieving process. Without my Poppi, my colorful crayon world feels like it has melted into a puddle of hard wax, and I'm left with charcol to draw my world. This is my spiritual journey at maximum overdrive. I need to go for grief counseling now. In fact, I should make that call today.
With regards to the artists of the world. Well, the victim thing happens all the time to artists and this is something I feel strongly about, so I therefore write about it from time to time. I want to help other artists feel strong and powerful. I've been through all the phases of being an artist. It hasn't been pretty. And at other times it's been the greatest high ever.
Most artists have tragic stories to tell because their passions run deep; their passions to create incredible works of art is how they breathe. We live so painfully wide open in life because we are creators of works of arts that move YOU. Your soul is inspired and understood through art. So, us artists have to have thick skin to heal from the bruises of being kicked as puppies by big corporate dogs who lord over our art taking enormous percentages of our income, for the bittersweet opportunity of getting our art heard and respected. We put up with so much that most people know nothing about. And we don't want you to know most times because we want you to enjoy our art work and not get tangled in the bully web that we had to endure to get our work out to the world.
Talk about warrior souls, sit with an artist from any discipline of art and listen to their stories. Especially the stories of the artist with no family support whatsoever who have had to painfully carve an existence out of nothing at such young ages and under insanely challenging emotional circumstances. And that my friend, is the subject of some of the most moving pieces of art in all disciplines the world over... The artist can find the beauty in the pain.
At the same time, I've written about very enlightening topics, very inspiring and moving words I have shared with you here. How in the world do I know these things and can communicate them in a way that receives extraordinary response to a particular blog? It's the higher self. These words come from a higher power and so I share them....like in a writing trance. At the same time, I'm moved to share the human experiences and how I might be struggling with dealing with something as a human, from the spiritual perspective, because I'm not entirely aligned with the super higher self -- so therefore, I'm at a loss, say, and lack wisdom, so I wonder aloud to receive the pretty grace of being filled up by receiving the insight from YOU who may be an angel in disguise. Oh, the fragility of the human experience can surely, no doubt, shadow the lovely divine presence at times.
The last two months, I have been extremely fragile.
And that is how we learn. That is how we love, by moving through things. I move through things on this blog. I expose my vulnerability as merely a little spirit having this human experience.
Sometimes I get it right; sometimes I don't in the eyes of the world and their limited perspectives.
My motive is certainly not to offend anyone...but simply to share my human feelings, my thoughts...and any divine movement in my life. And pray, that I can also share a perfect balance of body, mind and soul in total perfect alignment with all things divine.
But, you know what?
Like YOU. . .
I sometimes just don't get it right, according to being more spiritual, more intellectual, mo' better than the lower registers of existence.
And so, like YOU. . .
I try again.
And again.
So, my moment right now, because, of course, the goal is to totally live in the moment and not in the past or in the future....but in the perfection of just being in the moment -- therefore, my moment right now is to tell you all that: I hear you. And I want to hear from you. I want to know you about you. I care about your voice and your thoughts and how you live. You're awesome. Every single one of you. We are all ONE. And you are Precious. See me as Precious and a child of GOD who wonders, too.
You can be wide open with me. Maybe you will see God. And take a break in life, thereby changing direction or rejuvenating and moving forward again.
I see God in you, and therefore I break so that I can be perfectly still with YOU.
With love and sympathy, in symphony with all that is living.
