I've been reflecting about the loves of my life. There have been TWO.
Can a person have two loves of their lives?
Yes.
As we evolve, we grow, we hopefully ascend into a tasty place and not descend into a icky place -- we end up meeting loves on those paths.
Over the past two days, I spoke with two of those loves. What a treat. Do you know that I still wildly love these fellows, but, in a different way. In a way that is unconditional and precious.
Oh, I effin' couldn't stand them at one time. When I was broken hearted and mind-effed. Oh, I was hurting. Took me a llllllllllllooooooonnnnnnnnnngggggggggg time to get over those fellows.
But I did.
Through forgiveness. NOt only forgiveness towards the two loves of my life. But forgiveness for my own shortcomings and idiotic crap.
Because there are two sides. Even if the amore was highly unreasonable or mean or abusive. There are two sides.
My two loves of my life are treasures to me because they taught me so much. Thank you dear loves. I adore you both and wish you the most incredible life journeys.
Even though those journeys are not with me as your lady.
But, I'll be here as your girl pal. Always. I'm here for you.
And maybe there will be a third love of my life. Well, I guess there already is: Jesus.
So there will be a fourth someday or else, one of the two will become my one?
Who knows. For now, it's me, Tigerlily, Vantastic, Lollipop and gypZ jingles.
About Me
- S a s h a
- N Y C and Nashville, United States
- Hippie, Gypzy, Biker Chixie. Yep, that's me. www.bikerlady.com and www.chromecowgirl.com - my websites and I welcome your comments in this blog called Down the Road a Peace. Because, after all "do you wanna a peace of me?" : ) I'd love to hear your thoughts, so share them here. Personalize the topic and make it your own by sharing your own experience relative to the topic at hand, or let's create a new topic. U R Loved by Me.
2006/07/26
2006/04/19
Broken Heart, Broken Van, Broke Down Bike
Okay. Here's happy Sasha...rolling along, life is good. Great....adventurous and so on....
then she meets Mr. Wrong and that's when she turned left where she should have went RIGHT.
Happy girl...turns sad. Get's a broken heart. Then her Van breaks down. Then her heart breaks again when she loses her NYC home because she's a striving artist with small bucks and rent control is no more! Then her bike breaks down.
Now she's sitting in East Nashville with all of her resources removed. Did I mention her laptop died, months ago, too?
Here's the fun part. All resources are gone and the only place I can go is to GOD for some:
Find
Understanding
Now
God is all about FUN. He understands. He course corrects us. I need some correcting. I need some divine love, friends. I need some soul scrubbing. I need to understand what the hell to do!
Life isn't fair. But life is good. How do we deal with the mis-adventures. The bummers. The things that just are a drag. We friggin' swim. Swim 'til your arms hurt.... Don't sink. Float on a piece of drift wood, if you must. Like I'm doing right now...metaphorically speaking, I am a drifter on this river life.
I think I need to forgive, too. Forgiving is hard when you've been so dragged down. I stand tall. Won't take no more shit. But I will give my other cheek to slap, when I turn it. But then whomever is doing the slapping had better back up or get the back up.
Broken heart, broken van, broke down bike and a broke pocket too.
Well, if it's broken. It'll be fixed. Time for some holy Gorilla glue, eh?
then she meets Mr. Wrong and that's when she turned left where she should have went RIGHT.
Happy girl...turns sad. Get's a broken heart. Then her Van breaks down. Then her heart breaks again when she loses her NYC home because she's a striving artist with small bucks and rent control is no more! Then her bike breaks down.
Now she's sitting in East Nashville with all of her resources removed. Did I mention her laptop died, months ago, too?
Here's the fun part. All resources are gone and the only place I can go is to GOD for some:
Find
Understanding
Now
God is all about FUN. He understands. He course corrects us. I need some correcting. I need some divine love, friends. I need some soul scrubbing. I need to understand what the hell to do!
Life isn't fair. But life is good. How do we deal with the mis-adventures. The bummers. The things that just are a drag. We friggin' swim. Swim 'til your arms hurt.... Don't sink. Float on a piece of drift wood, if you must. Like I'm doing right now...metaphorically speaking, I am a drifter on this river life.
I think I need to forgive, too. Forgiving is hard when you've been so dragged down. I stand tall. Won't take no more shit. But I will give my other cheek to slap, when I turn it. But then whomever is doing the slapping had better back up or get the back up.
Broken heart, broken van, broke down bike and a broke pocket too.
Well, if it's broken. It'll be fixed. Time for some holy Gorilla glue, eh?
The Winding Road....everyday is bittersweet.
It has been several months since my last post. Since then I relocated temporarily to Nashville, Tennesee. Who Said A City Girl Can't Be Country? Sublet the NYC digs and got a big house.
Yeah.
With a guy. And his kids. The guy that was so-called in love with me and wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. Hey, it had been three long years since I was in a relationship. By my choice, too. And he was unique like me and....oh I love, love, love children. So...
The rest of his life with me turned out to be a few months. But, sadly I was used. I was lied to. I was cheated on. There were always these unsavory character surprises around every corner.
Well, after being driven to tears so many times by the boy, gee, I got my girl power swirl on and set his ass out on the curb. Glad and sad at the same time.
Other than THAT drama, living in Nashville is lovely. Great folks abound. Back to being a single chick and now with a big house, not a tiny studio apartment, it's quite a life change. So much space. So much space to think and create. It's awesome.
But I do miss NYC. Terribly. But I still have my studio apartment to go home to. Always have had her....she's my root. Then a storm struck and took down my "tree."
Just last week, I lost my NYC apartment. Cannot afford the current market value of rent....over double. My NYC landlords are the best, so are my Nashville landlords. So, in light of the financial challenges and need for market value pricing...the root snapped.
So now, I'm a floater. A road dog. But, I've got Nashville digs. Do I literally dig in?
This is a very new chapter in my life. To be without my beloved NYC.
However, someday soon, I decided that I'm going to live in the NYC or Brooklyn ghetto. Because I am ghetto glam....ratamatazz. All the way. I think I should live out by Coney Island somewhere. That would be fun. But that's for later. Right now - I'm focusing on the music life here in Nashville. And perhaps digging in to establish a root. However, once again, I'm an NYC'r - upper West Side Chick....yo yo. Forever.
Now. I'm an East Side Chick...hollah back....in East Nashville. Totally funky. Cool. Ghetto Glam. 1935 my house was born. I love this house and want to buy it soon. It loves me back. She protects me with her fine embrace.
So, what else is new:
Let's see...
I'm motorcycle mamma of the DirtPharm - check it out: www.myspace.com/dirtpharm
It's a musical gathering of great players. And we also storm the Muzik Mafia stage on Tuesday nights here in Nashville: www.muzikmafia.com - they're our phamily. Shout out!
I'm assembling a motley crew of musicians who ride for a new super ground of rock talent. This project is called motoroadeo: rev, rock, roll. Cool, huh?
As of this past August, I've been working the rally circuit with the Broken Spoke Saloon, the World's Biggest Biker Bar. It's super fun.
Here in Nashville, I'm also a bartender at a few wonderful redneck, down home country bars. I'm the yam dankee. But a favorite of the locals. So that's all good. They love for me to repeat words in my native NYC tongue such as: coffee, quarter, water, dog, door, and so on. I'm like a show and tell project.
I'm writing a new book called Chrome Cowgirl...too.
How'd I end up here, in Tennesee? Well, I ended up in Nashville after two long prayer sessions on top of Bear Butte, outside of Sturgis, South Dakota during the 2005 motorcycle rally. I wasn't sure where to go in life. Needed to leave NYC for awhile again. . .needed some nature and music. The guy was e-mailing and leaving voice messages that were quite deep....quite passionate. He was one of those "hey you need to meet this guy," sort of referral from a very dear friend.
So, I decided to investigate Nashville after praying. It really wasn't so much for sake of an amourous union with the guy, believe me. At that moment I had a tiny spark of interest, but I was more interested in a really interesting change of lifestyle for a little while, anyway.
So, I rode down from Sturgis to Nashville and decided that I really dug the scene. I didn't really dig the guy initially. In fact, he scared me a bit and I couldn't put my finger on it....would he just use me? I think that was the fear....or should I say the intuition that was screaming. But I let it go, you know. And just rode around town, checked out real estate. And kept my distance from the dude.
Then I went back to NYC to think about Nashville. I decided to head down again for another visit. So, I did. And in a short time, I fell in love with the dude that was in love with me and telling every one that I was his life long love....ya see, after seeing him so tenderly interact with his daughter and experiencing his awesome sense of humor that would nearly cripple me with laughter, I decided, why not? Maybe I was not reading his soul right...and I took off the blinders to his character (when actually I put on the blinders) and felt this was bliss. What a great artistic dude. And his kids were the best.
It was a quick romance for sure. We were so psyched on one another. I thought perhaps that it was fate. It was destiny. Oy Vey.
Then I found this incredible home only two doors from our mutual best friend couple. I figured this would be the most joyous life all around.
So now, I'm here in this homestead by myself, working on my next book, working on music stuff and working on my new start-up Chrome Cowgirl. There is so much going on in my arts & crafts world too, with my best Nashville friend, Jodi. We're a force to be reckoned with on the yard sale scene. We love to buy other people's junk and fix it up. Hence our new organization called RATAMATAZZ. Because that we are: Ghetto Glam Girls.
Ghetto Girl
Ghetto Girl
What you doin' hangin' in this part of the world?
Ain't you comin' in from New York City
Gettin' down Gettin' down to the nitty gritty?
Ghetto Girl?
Hey Ghetto Girl.
Ghetto Girl forever. That's me.
Oh, my former lover:
MESSAGE TO THE GUY: Hey baby, God love you, dude. I hope you get your shit together. You are awesome, sexy, cool, hella fun, hella talented, and can ride the G out of a motorcycle. Too bad you had to cheat and lie. You told me that we're the perfect bad couple stating that you're the taker and I'm the giver. That's messed up. But at least you admitted the truth.
Yeah.
With a guy. And his kids. The guy that was so-called in love with me and wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. Hey, it had been three long years since I was in a relationship. By my choice, too. And he was unique like me and....oh I love, love, love children. So...
The rest of his life with me turned out to be a few months. But, sadly I was used. I was lied to. I was cheated on. There were always these unsavory character surprises around every corner.
Well, after being driven to tears so many times by the boy, gee, I got my girl power swirl on and set his ass out on the curb. Glad and sad at the same time.
Other than THAT drama, living in Nashville is lovely. Great folks abound. Back to being a single chick and now with a big house, not a tiny studio apartment, it's quite a life change. So much space. So much space to think and create. It's awesome.
But I do miss NYC. Terribly. But I still have my studio apartment to go home to. Always have had her....she's my root. Then a storm struck and took down my "tree."
Just last week, I lost my NYC apartment. Cannot afford the current market value of rent....over double. My NYC landlords are the best, so are my Nashville landlords. So, in light of the financial challenges and need for market value pricing...the root snapped.
So now, I'm a floater. A road dog. But, I've got Nashville digs. Do I literally dig in?
This is a very new chapter in my life. To be without my beloved NYC.
However, someday soon, I decided that I'm going to live in the NYC or Brooklyn ghetto. Because I am ghetto glam....ratamatazz. All the way. I think I should live out by Coney Island somewhere. That would be fun. But that's for later. Right now - I'm focusing on the music life here in Nashville. And perhaps digging in to establish a root. However, once again, I'm an NYC'r - upper West Side Chick....yo yo. Forever.
Now. I'm an East Side Chick...hollah back....in East Nashville. Totally funky. Cool. Ghetto Glam. 1935 my house was born. I love this house and want to buy it soon. It loves me back. She protects me with her fine embrace.
So, what else is new:
Let's see...
I'm motorcycle mamma of the DirtPharm - check it out: www.myspace.com/dirtpharm
It's a musical gathering of great players. And we also storm the Muzik Mafia stage on Tuesday nights here in Nashville: www.muzikmafia.com - they're our phamily. Shout out!
I'm assembling a motley crew of musicians who ride for a new super ground of rock talent. This project is called motoroadeo: rev, rock, roll. Cool, huh?
As of this past August, I've been working the rally circuit with the Broken Spoke Saloon, the World's Biggest Biker Bar. It's super fun.
Here in Nashville, I'm also a bartender at a few wonderful redneck, down home country bars. I'm the yam dankee. But a favorite of the locals. So that's all good. They love for me to repeat words in my native NYC tongue such as: coffee, quarter, water, dog, door, and so on. I'm like a show and tell project.
I'm writing a new book called Chrome Cowgirl...too.
How'd I end up here, in Tennesee? Well, I ended up in Nashville after two long prayer sessions on top of Bear Butte, outside of Sturgis, South Dakota during the 2005 motorcycle rally. I wasn't sure where to go in life. Needed to leave NYC for awhile again. . .needed some nature and music. The guy was e-mailing and leaving voice messages that were quite deep....quite passionate. He was one of those "hey you need to meet this guy," sort of referral from a very dear friend.
So, I decided to investigate Nashville after praying. It really wasn't so much for sake of an amourous union with the guy, believe me. At that moment I had a tiny spark of interest, but I was more interested in a really interesting change of lifestyle for a little while, anyway.
So, I rode down from Sturgis to Nashville and decided that I really dug the scene. I didn't really dig the guy initially. In fact, he scared me a bit and I couldn't put my finger on it....would he just use me? I think that was the fear....or should I say the intuition that was screaming. But I let it go, you know. And just rode around town, checked out real estate. And kept my distance from the dude.
Then I went back to NYC to think about Nashville. I decided to head down again for another visit. So, I did. And in a short time, I fell in love with the dude that was in love with me and telling every one that I was his life long love....ya see, after seeing him so tenderly interact with his daughter and experiencing his awesome sense of humor that would nearly cripple me with laughter, I decided, why not? Maybe I was not reading his soul right...and I took off the blinders to his character (when actually I put on the blinders) and felt this was bliss. What a great artistic dude. And his kids were the best.
It was a quick romance for sure. We were so psyched on one another. I thought perhaps that it was fate. It was destiny. Oy Vey.
Then I found this incredible home only two doors from our mutual best friend couple. I figured this would be the most joyous life all around.
So now, I'm here in this homestead by myself, working on my next book, working on music stuff and working on my new start-up Chrome Cowgirl. There is so much going on in my arts & crafts world too, with my best Nashville friend, Jodi. We're a force to be reckoned with on the yard sale scene. We love to buy other people's junk and fix it up. Hence our new organization called RATAMATAZZ. Because that we are: Ghetto Glam Girls.
Ghetto Girl
Ghetto Girl
What you doin' hangin' in this part of the world?
Ain't you comin' in from New York City
Gettin' down Gettin' down to the nitty gritty?
Ghetto Girl?
Hey Ghetto Girl.
Ghetto Girl forever. That's me.
Oh, my former lover:
MESSAGE TO THE GUY: Hey baby, God love you, dude. I hope you get your shit together. You are awesome, sexy, cool, hella fun, hella talented, and can ride the G out of a motorcycle. Too bad you had to cheat and lie. You told me that we're the perfect bad couple stating that you're the taker and I'm the giver. That's messed up. But at least you admitted the truth.
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